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02/10/2010

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TVs Take

When I started my first big girl job in my early 20’s I authored a few sayings to get me through the tough days. My favorite was, “What you do counts, so make sure it’s worth being accounted for.” While some may critique the grammar, it makes a point. We all affect each other in some way albeit positive or negative.

I find so many people don’t accept that what they say or do really matters, but of course it does. As parents we work to create smart and loving children – that counts. We want to be around when our children have children so we need to be healthy – it counts. We want to be good spouses, partners, daughters, sisters and friends – it all counts.

So if you are in a funk, try to remember your efforts matter to everyone around you. If we give our best or at the very least are conscientious of what we put out there, then we get some pretty good stuff in return.

How do you make it count?

TV's Take

Dearest Ego:
I have lived with you my whole life but you should know I think you too selfish for me. You need to shape up.
I’m trying to pursue a dream of mine and you keep getting in my way. What’s up with that?
Your worried I’ll fail, but that’s life dumb dumb.
If I don’t try then what is the point of thinking, dreaming, working?
You must silence yourself so I can make things happen.
All this self doubt is not healthy for me or really anyone for that matter.
For the record, you are only a thought in my mind, not who I am.
So either quiet down or take a hike.
Kindest Regards,
TV

**PS Is your ego getting in your way?**

TV's Take

Right now I’m reading Eat Pray Love. It’s an interesting book and worth a read.
In one section of the book a few of the characters discuss how cities and the people that live in them can be defined in one word. Ex: New York = Achieve LA = Succeed etc. The characters then discuss how humans we should be able to define ourselves by one word. Okay, so my word is _____(thinking, thinking, nothing)_____? I don’t have a word, at least not yet.
Whenever I think of a word, it only defines my state of mind rather than my whole self. I also think it’s hard to summarize a person by just a few letters. Aren’t we so much more complex than that?
So there is my crux as of the past two months, why do we need to be so complicated?
Got a word to define you?

TV's Take

Have you ever had anyone tell you not to try something because you’ll fail? I did, my high school counselor said it wasn’t worth my time to try to attend college. She really should have been a motivational speaker, really. Now out of full disclosure, I was a slacker in HS. As a result, she simply looked at my past performance and accepted that would be my future. She was wrong. I went to college, struggled, found my grove, did well in school and graduated. In other words I grew up.
That counselor jumped to conclusions about me but frankly we all jump to conclusions occasionally. What’s shocking is how some of us jump to conclusions about ourselves. Some of us are sure we will fail so we don’t try. I’ve been guilty, and perhaps some of you, of seeing more obstacles in goals then opportunities. Since becoming a mother and knowing how fast life passes by, I hate the thought of knowing that I’m holding myself back. Right now I’m working hard at pushing myself forward.
How about you, do you hold yourself back?

TV's Take

My husband is having an affair with the stock market and I’m having an affair with my blog. Gotcha didn’t I?!? We both have a hobby that involves the internet. He does research on stocks; I write and connect.
What’s startling is the profoundly negative effect the internet and social networking can have on a marriage. One of my friends knows a successful marriage counselor. Recently the counselor stated that 50% of her clients are being seen because of affairs over the internet. Yikes!
While the opening line for this post was a joke; real people are having real internet affairs which is causing real problems and that’s no joke.
One has to wonder, are so many of these affairs only happening because of the ease and anonymity of the internet or would these same peeps have cheated prior to the internet (which was, as a reminder, invented by Al Gore)? What do you think?

TV's Take

Being grateful should be easy, right? I’d like to say that I’m completely grateful for everything in my life but that would not be true. Sometimes I forget about all the good and focus on the negative, booo to me. I am interested in changing this selfish behavior. Perhaps I should stop watching negative reality television shows; that may be a good place to start. I’m careful not to hang around negative people so I cannot eliminate any negativity there. I’m grateful for that. We should all be grateful for our health and I am but there I times when it’s definitely taken for granted.
Being grateful is a funny thing, if you become too focused on being grateful then you don’t necessarily live normally.
How do you stay grateful?

TV's Take

For two years I worked in Development at a nonprofit for abused children. The stories of the children were heartbreaking and inconceivable. We struggled to get media coverage because quite frankly people didn’t want to hear about all the neighborhood children being abused.
The commercial I viewed came from the ASPCA. The piece did a good job educating the audience about all the animals who are beaten and neglected and how people can help. I like animals and they should not be treated poorly.
My frustration stems from the simple fact that more attention seems to be paid to help abused animals than helping abused children. Both need our help. However I have no doubt there is more media coverage of animal abuse than child abuse.
With every death row inmate reporting that they grew up in a violent, abusive environment, why do so many turn a blind eye to one of the ugliest problems of human kind?

TV's Take

Some of us have met obstacles along the path of life. Unfortunately many of us live with one stubborn obstacle each day, ourselves. Whether we are too hard on ourselves or can’t see ourselves honestly, we are most typically the creators of our own personal turmoil. What causes us to get in our own way? For me, it’s my mind. I think too much about situations and make bigger deals out of nothing. My thinking or analyzing just gets all convoluted and messy. More times than not, I witness people’s past getting in their way. They keep tripping on emotional issues from childhood that were never acknowledged and worked through. Sometimes realizing that we are all imperfect is the key. When we stop blaming everyone else for our issues then we can move on, get out of our own way and let some good stuff happen. Thoughts, feelings or reactions?

TV's Take

Today I met a friend and her kiddos at a neighborhood playground. It was a beautiful park and the kids had a great time. Times have changed and there were some interesting looking equipment I wanted to try out. Being a kid from the 70’s, if the park had a slide and swings, we were all set for hours of fun. Anyway, I decided to try these ‘twirly-make you dizzy’ contraptions for myself. All I can say is, “I had so much fun!” Aside from hanging on for dear life, I laughed the entire time. The best part was the expression on the kid’s faces when I got off. They were sort of, “did you just see that grown up on our playground equipment, having fun”? After I was done with my little fun on the twirlys, I wondered why we don’t play like that anymore. I guess in our teens it’s not cool so we never go back. No wonder most of us dislike aging; it’s just a reminder of what we gave up, fun. Got any tips to share that foster your kid-like spirit?

TV's Take

Anger is the one emotion I’d like to live without. Sure there is a time and a place but rarely do I say, “Boy, anger was sure helpful today!” Anger does not bring out the good in people. When I’m angry, I’m unhappy, ugly and occasionally vengeful. It’s just one of those emotions that can damper a moment, a whole day or week. Getting over anger is crucial. For me, a little time alone is always helpful. Working out is also a good way to release that negative energy and of course talking about what made me angry is also beneficial. As I age, I’m more aware of the situations that bring upon anger. Luckily, I don’t get angry often but when I do I spit nails (ugh). My goal is to recognize the signs early and diffuse them quickly. As my daughter starts to model the behavior she sees in others; anger is not one I want her to learn from me. What helps you get over your anger?

TV's Take

Today we returned home from a great weekend trip with family. As with most trips it's great to get away from the day to day routine. Coming home from those trips means unpacking, yuck. Over the past few years, when I return home from a trip I immediately unpack my bags. It is so nice getting reorganized quickly in order to be prepared for non-vacation life. Procrastinating the unpacking process is definitely a metaphor for dealing with mental baggage too. When we hang onto our mental baggage, these problems linger and often times become bigger and more chaotic. It is important to clean up our mental baggage before it starts to pile up and stink. Having the courage to deal with problems directly will lead to a healthier and more productive self. It may even lead to more vacations with loved ones, resulting in excellent unpacking skills! Are you good at unpacking your problems?

TV's Take

After a few minor driving accidents I’ve become a leery driver. In the past, I didn’t care much for people who were scared to drive; they seemed too defensive and I was more offensive. Today, my mind has changed and I’ve become a little paranoid. If you think about it, when we enter a freeway and speed up to 70-80mph we are essentially driving on a racetrack with a bunch of strangers. Some drivers could be normal, while others may be absolutely crazy. I try hard not to think about how my life and the lives of my passengers are subject to what the crazy driving next to me may do. My attempts to shake off the thought of someone swerving into me for no reason are not working. So if any of you crazies are out there, please be careful. A show of comments, are you growing scared of the crazies on the road?

TV's Take

I know families who’ve made a no sarcasm rule within their home. I’m not so sure I would be successful in that family. Psychologytoday.com states that, “….sarcasm is their means of indirectly expressing aggression toward others and insecurity about themselves.” If you use sarcasm a fair amount this definition may or may not be true for you. I use sarcasm to make light out of a bad situation. Example, a few years ago when starting a new job nothing seemed to work, computers, phones, copier – you name it. A typical day would start with my e-mail inaccessible, and I would say, “Isn’t that just fantastic! or That’s how I hoped my day would start!” After a few weeks of the dysfunction, the situation became funny and less frustrating as a result of sarcasm.
It is true some of us overuse sarcasm while others are overly sensitive to it. Whatever your palate for this form of humor, it is important to know who you can and cannot use it on. Care to comment?

TV's Take

When you think of eating a meal, are you like a sprinter at the beginning of a race and can’t wait to reach the finish line? If so, you may want to rethink your strategy. Reason: those who eat ‘fast’ tend to inhale 100 extra calories per meal. All this speed eating adds up and equates to 2,100 extra calories per week! In addition if we eat too fast we don’t properly ingest all the food nutrients. Fast eaters also tend to be the beneficiaries of heartburn, ugh! The key to overcoming speed eating is to be more mindful by taking more time to enjoy your food. If you need a tool to help you get started, try the new iPhone app called Food Workout (iTune/Food Workout). The app will walk you through steps to slow down and enjoy food. It’s also a great tool to use with friends and family. So isn’t it time you put down the fork and did a food workout?

TV's Take

Do you ever have one of those days (or two) where you are just off? Sure we can blame it on this or that but it takes the right kind of event or person to pull us through those doldrums. One of my favorite ways to get out of a funk is a good dinner and company with lots of laughing. Unfortunately we cannot always arrange for a dinner party when we are feeling blue, but if your blue mood and a soiree meet, cheers! Another method to getting out of the mental madness is working out. I like to think I’m sweating out the bad energy. Lastly a good night sleep is likely to help. Sometimes it’s just better to wake up to a new day to take on a new mood. How do you get into your happy place?

TV's Take

Samantha, thanks for your post! Your comment about enjoying your loved ones while they are still here has been running through my mind lately, particularly regarding my Mom. The phrase, Life Is Short is cliché but all too true.

Samantha Oliver

Wow TVtakes what a great mom the way you describe her, it's obvious you love each other very much. the connection with a scent always reminds me of my mom too. Enjoy her while she is still here, those moments are precious and you realize it even more when you don't have them.

TV's Take

This week I walked into the grocery store and was greeted by the sweet scent of hyacinth which triggered the memory of my first big girl job. When I was 23, I got my dream job in corporate America. My mother was very proud and sent me a congratulatory bouquet of flowers on my first day. My excitement in the new big girl job soon turned to fear because I realized there was too much to learn. During those initial scary months, I took comfort in the scent of the hyacinth bouquet my mom sent me. It was a constant reminder of how much she believed in me and as a result, gave me encouragement to forge ahead. It is funny how a scent can so clearly bring back all those memories. For the record I also love: fresh cut grass=spring/summer as a child, hay=time on our ranch riding horses and clove cigarettes=college/concerts (even though I didn’t smoke). And now it’s your turn, what scents bring you to a happy place?

TV's Take

Samantha, thanks for your comment. I agree, you first have to know your feelings/actions/outcomes before you can understand how they will affect others. A little existentialism never hurt anyone, or at least anyone who wanted to take accountability for their being. Good post Samantha!

Samantha Oliver

Striving daily to become clear about our intent and then relative actions is the best weight lifting exercise I have found to make me feel lighter. TV Take mentions emotional awareness of the people around you and asks the questions of how ones feelings and actions affect others-think you first have to ask how does it affect yourself, your feelings and actions? Good things to think about as we enter in to spring which always makes me think of new beginnings. It's never to late to be aware of ourselves.

TV's Take

We welcomed the first day of spring by throwing a Spring Soiree at our home. We’ve invited our friends with families for a little food and wine. Today many of our friends called or e-mailed expressing their thanks to us for hosting the evening. They also commented several times about the great group of friends that were in attendance. Prior to our dinner party, many had not met each other so the evening was a mix of old and new friends. This party helped me realize that being a good friend is about sharing your time, your home and your friendships with one another. Sometimes I get so swept up in the day to day that I forget how important my friendships are. We should all be grateful for the good times and memories friends impress upon us. Life is about moments together and creating them does indeed take a little effort. Have you created any special moments lately?

TV's Take

A friend once told me how funny it was that I laughed at my own jokes. Honestly, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, if I told the joke then I probably thought it was funny. To my dismay she was correct and society has apparently deemed it foolish to laugh at your own jokes. Comedians don’t laugh at their own jokes, or try not to (Seinfeld) because it’s funnier if they appear more serious. I’m not a comedian and therefore can’t comply with the rule of ‘not laughing at my own jokes’. I love to laugh and have a hard time holding it in, in fact I once laughed so hard that all the blood vessels in one eye burst. Life is full of tough moments that weigh us down and laughter reminds us that we will get through those difficult times. So, do you think it is okay to laugh at your own jokes?

TV's Take

A friend recently told me the story about her second date with a nice gentleman at a local restaurant. She arrived at 6:30pm and waited thirty minutes for him, but he never showed up. During those thirty minutes she left him four messages; the first message was of concern but by the fourth she was over the top angry that he stood her up. To her surprise he phoned just as she was driving away from the restaurant. He asked her where she was, as he’s been waiting for her. As luck would have it, he was waiting for her but at the restaurant next door; the wrong restaurant. Of course these situations don’t always turn out to be simple misunderstandings but her reaction was not a good second impression (over reactive, angers quickly etc) but very insightful for him, don’t you think? Her anger got in the way of being open minded, has this ever happened to you?

TV's Take

Molly, I think your assessment is right on. You are more emotionally aware when you do the right thing versus moving away from your true self because of other people's feelings. I also feel that the more aware you are, the more EA like-minded friends you will have. Agree?

Molly

How do you balance Emotional Awareness with staying true to oneself? For example, I'm emotionally aware that if I take action A then I might hurt someone else, but in order for me to be happy and fulfill my truth I need to seek action A. Maybe being emotionally aware is just understanding how the world around us may be affected and being willing to deal with those ramifications--or not?

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